When Letting Go Becomes Self-Care

 

 

I went back and forth about writing a post like this, but what made me take the leap of faith was this: everyone deserves to understand one universal truth that applies to both personal situations and the professional world. If even one person walks away from this feeling marginally better then my work here is done. In that sense, it does tie into publishing, because we can apply these ideas to situations in that space too.

The first thing you need to know is this: perspective does come with age. The mindset I had and the things I spent so much time worrying about at 18—trivial things, I might add—do not even cross my mind at 25. A lot of this has to do with what life throws at you and the grief you experience. Whatever your situation may be, there is always a way forward, and there is always help you can get. The second thing you need to know is that this whole “frontal lobe developing” idea does have some truth to it. I am not a fully sorted 25-year-old, but compared to 18-year-old me, I am unrecognizable.

I was between the ages of 16 to 18 when the King Kylie era was emerging. Think lip kits, hourglass bodies, and makeup. It was a time to be alive, however, at what price? A lot of celebrities are talking openly about the surgeries they got done in 2025, and for some reason, society is tapping them on the back with a golden hand. But why? For what? The transparency they failed to give when being asked in the past? The sheer body dysphoria given to young people who were convinced that their own natural bodies were wrong, while those celebrities’ alleged ‘natural’ bodies were the goal?

I grew up thinking I was God’s least favourite human. I was 16, signed up to a gym, and to this day, I could never look like these Instagram influencers because what they have isn’t real. I’m not shaming people who get any work done to them. What I’m saying is, had they been transparent then, maybe now people would be more forthcoming.

The first hurdle in my journey was getting over fake bodies and starting to understand what I wanted for mine. I’m 5ft 4, I don’t have the bigger assets many girls have, and my body takes its sweet time to build muscles in the places I want it to. That’s fine. I will never be a leggy Victoria Secret model. I will never have the curvy hourglass figure because I’m somewhere in between, and that’s fine. I’m healthy, I’m on a fitness journey, and I feel good. I’m working on looking what good means to me, and as long as I’m taking those steps, I’m grateful.

Let’s get one thing straight. Celebrities and public figures get facials, monthly treatments, lasers, fillers, plastic surgery, spend hours on hair and makeup, and then still proceed to finetune all their pictures. You define what attainable perfection is yourself. No one else can do that for you.

The next hurdle was comparing my life to those of others. I’m sure everyone has done this, and to some extent, still does. I look at family members my age, older, and younger, and think, “Wow, they’ve accomplished so much while I have so little.” In reality, though, they have lives I would never want—neither career-wise nor personally. I studied law and then, of my own accord, decided to pivot into publishing. I don’t want to work in a law firm nine to five just because I graduated with it. I do not want to do it for the prestige. I want to work in publishing, gain the formal experience I need, and then join an agency to specialize in areas for my clients. I do not want to settle down at the age of 25, and I do want to move out of the UK to pursue a life with the person I want, in the career I want. It’s okay that I’m starting my life later because I spent over four years doing something very selfless. I do not regret a single moment I gave up in my career for my mother because she was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I spent every living second with her. I am not behind; I’m simply just starting, and guess what? That is fine. The only thing that used to be on my mind constantly was getting married by a certain age, but I think that pressure is also tied to the culture I’m from. What broke that mould, you may ask? I’ve seen three marriages in my family so far, and these are the outcomes. Marriage one is just going through the motions. Marriage two ended in a legal battle. Marriage three is a red flag. So, guess what? Marry late, but never marry wrong. I’m glad I saw these marriages because it put a lot into perspective for me too. Everything has a reason.

The hurdle after this was dealing with toxic people you can’t get away from. Again, culture gets in the way. I can choose who I do and do not keep in contact with, and after a traumatic friends-turned-enemies episode last year—which was harder than I joke about on here—it taught me that you don’t have to be the world’s best friend. The only people you unfortunately cannot get away from are the ones you live with.

I recently posted on my LinkedIn, which you can find here , where I spoke about how hard it is to be in an environment that does not want change when you do. It is about finding those little distractions, and for me, that is why I created PaperChapters in the first place. I tried a professional portfolio, and it wasn’t working because I am starting from scratch. I did not want to change my sister blog, PaperPagesPr, which was just for book reviews. So, I am challenging everything I want and know into this one platform. It keeps me sane and productive.

The question now, you must be thinking, is where does that leave me? It is still a work in progress. It is easy to spiral into negative thinking, but guess what? It is exhausting, and you owe it to yourself not to put this emotional, mental, and physical toll on yourself. With so much going on in the world, it is easy to focus only on the negative, but I promise you, there must be a positive somewhere. You have to search for it.

I am locked down, focusing on getting my journey in publishing started. I am navigating my career, understanding what I have to offer, and trying to find any job to keep me sane. I do not want to spend time thinking about what others think of me based on assumptions. It drains the life out of you and leaves a bad taste in your own mouth. Like I said, we as humans are programmed this way. As the days get shorter and the nights get longer, it is prime time for every win to seem not big enough, for every small problem to feel magnified, and for every regret in your life to rise again.

That is another thing I wanted to touch upon. Regret and frustration often go hand in hand. You realize a mistake, you move on. You change, and you grow. You cannot spend your life berating yourself. If I could start from the age of 18 again, I would do the following:

1.     Trust my gut.

2.     Talk less and share less.

3.     Mind my own business and restrain from unnecessary chatter.

4.     Evaluate the company I’m with.

5.     Listen to my mum!

 

Mothers often know best, and had I listened to her, I would have avoided bad company and regretted less. Time spent with the wrong people is time wasted, and now I sleep better knowing that company has left me and I am just trying my best. That is all I can do. I haven’t slept properly since my mother passed, and with all the stress of finding a job, it has been hard. However, when I think about the extra baggage being thrown off my shoulders, I sleep a little more relaxed. Evaluate the things that protect your peace and the things that do not. You might be surprised.

So finally, let me tell you how this all ties into publishing. Wherever you go, you will inevitably compare yourself to others. As humans, that is natural, but instead of focusing on them, focus on the steps you need to take to get to where you want to be. I firmly believe that when you see a vision, it is your calling. You cannot control exactly how your success will take shape, but you can understand what you can control and start from there.

I’ve been looking for jobs in retail during this Christmas season while actively applying for jobs and internships in publishing. Anything is a good thing, and a start is a start. Perseverance gets you somewhere; doubting yourself does not. For example, I used to wait until the day before the deadline to submit my application for a job or internship. Now, when I’m satisfied with the quality of my application, I hit send. Rather than worrying, I know I’ve done my best, and the rest is up to HR.

Letting go is a form of self-care—the biggest, I would argue.

My next post will be about rights, I promise. I just had to get this one out first.

See you between all the pages in my blogs.

Vivian.